Callan Rydz has shared an emotional message on social media, opening up about the difficult period he is currently going through. The 27-year-old Englishman revealed that, six months after the death of his beloved grandfather, he is still struggling with his grief every day and admitted that, despite his best efforts, he has found it impossible to come to terms with the loss.
The current world No. 41 lost his grandfather in December while competing at the PDC World Darts Championship at Alexandra Palace. At the time, Rydz described him as 'the most important person in my life.' Despite the personal tragedy, he still reached the third round of the World Championship before being beaten 4-1 by Josh Rock. Since then, it has been a difficult season for 'The Riot'. He has reached just one ProTour semi-final this year and has been unable to rediscover the consistency that once made him one of the tour's most dangerous outsiders.
In a heartfelt message, Rydz explained just how much the loss of his grandfather continues to affect him. He admitted last month a lack of darting desire too. 'Not really one to post on here anymore or look for anything but six months ago yesterday I lost the most important person in my life. Someone that helped me through everything, a man who was loved by everyone that knew him and since then I haven't been ready to say goodbye.'
Rydz described how he often finds himself alone in hotel rooms while travelling on the PDC circuit, overwhelmed by memories. 'A lot of times in hotels when I've been away for darts crying, looking back at memories, the laughs and sometimes you just need your best friend and right now all I genuinely need is my grandad. Someone I looked up to, the man I wanted to be.' Rydz also spoke with striking honesty about how he has been coping with his grief, admitting that he sometimes turns to alcohol, even though he knows it is not the answer. 'Drinking isn't the answer but sometimes helps. Being alone and drinking helps, then feel like s*** the next day and do it all again to forget. At the end of the day I can't unsee him in the hospital bed and that's what's hurting me the most.'
Despite his mental struggles, Rydz says he has tried to put on a brave face around his fellow players on the PDC circuit but he admitted that he finds it difficult to open up about his emotions. 'I've tried my f***ing best to forget and have a laugh with the lads and everyone at ProTour. Deep down I'm f****** hurting every single f****** day. Some days I don't wanna go. I wanna be alone sat away where no one can see me. Long story short I'm f***ing struggling and sometimes the drinks help that... If I could openly speak I f***ing would.' Despite everything, Rydz ended his emotional message with a note of hope. 'Being shy and not really wanting to talk to people doesn't help... I'll get through this tough spell eventually.'
